Overnight Underground News May 19th 2020


The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Trump is on drugs. Pelosi calls Trump a fattie. Invading Canadians taunt Biden. The government is gearing up for civil unrest. Trial by Zoom and the German’s are revolting.

These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Trump is on drugs

Though not insightful or beneficial for any of the world’s current troubles, we do have some mildly entertaining political drama going on today. First, President Trump told reporters during yesterday’s press conference that he has been taking the controversial drug hydroxychloroquine as a prophylactic against Covid-19. The press corps was aghast as Trump himself announced to the nation his use of the drug he believes will help ward off the virus. Trump’s opponents quickly jumped on the news with warnings that the drug’s use could cause serious heart trouble and other complications. Honestly, I don’t know why this is a problem for certain rabid sects of the Democratic party, seems to me they’ve been calling for Trump’s death since he entered office. 

PresidentPlump

Nancy Pelosi jumped on the President’s use of hydroxychloroquine on Monday’s Anderson Cooper segment on CNN. The Speaker of the House used the air-time on the cable network to essentially call Trump a fat bastard. The press corps is currently salivating like Pavlov’s dog in anticipation of  the Presidential sh*t storm that is sure to follow. Still, fans of the President know he’s not obese, he’s just got big bone spurs. 

Trump targets WHO

The President also threatened to completely defund the World Health Organization in an overnight Tweet. Trump warned he was considering dumping the W-H-O funding within thirty days if it does not, quote: “commit to major substantive improvements.” The pudgy orange one continues to accuse the W-H-O of being too soft on China. 

Biden ducks

Let’s see, what else we got here in the circus that is American politics. On Monday, Joe Biden moved out of his basement for his latest virtual town hall digital disaster. He decided to let the sunshine and fresh air in from his vestibule while he chattered at the American public. The only problem was, invading Canadian’s were very vocal with Biden’s streaming appearance.  Man, ol’ touchy feely Uncle Joe just can’t catch a break. 

Government prepares for civil unrest

It seems the US government has been preparing for domestic war. The Intercept is reporting that Uncle Sam has been busy ratcheting up security and spending to counter possible civil unrest during the coronavirus pandemic. The purchases include contracts for riot gear such as disposable handcuffs, gas masks, ballistic helmets, and riot gloves, along with protective equipment for federal police. Sounds reasonable, nothing to see here. 

The Germans are revolting

Speaking of unrest, it seems the German’s are revolting. The Daily Mail is reporting that Teutonic fury is being unleashed in Germany over lockdowns in that country. Thousands of protesters rallied in Stuttgart, Munich and Berlin to protest against Merkel and what some conspiracy theorists see as a plot by Bill Gates to vaccinate the masses. You know, you just can’t make this shit up. German police arrested protesters outside the Reichstag in Berlin. Please, just don’t start any fires, we all know how that turned out last time. 

Trial by Zoom

This next story should work out well. In Texas, they’re getting ready for their first Zoom trial. Reuters reports a Texas court is getting set to let jurors hear a case remotely using Zoom. The Collin County District Court on Monday picked a jury to hear the insurance dispute case by videoconference. The one-day trial is a summary jury trial, where jurors hear a condensed version of a case and deliver a non-binding verdict. The jury selection was live streamed over YouTube. Gee, what could possibly go wrong? 

Chinese are facing new lockdowns

Bloomberg News is reporting that China may be getting ready to lockdown cities in the north east of the country again. One hundred million Chinese are facing lockdowns for a second time  as a new and expanding cluster of coronavirus infections are again plaguing the region. Cities in the Jilin province have stopped train and bus service, shut schools and quarantined tens of thousands of people. Needless to say, the Chinese living in these areas are not happy. 

Stupid is as stupid does

There has been quite a spike in the moronic behavior index over the last few days. In Volusia County, Florida, the Sheriff’s Office had to break up a block party that numbered in the thousands. WFTV News reports police noted there were multiple arrests and numerous deputies were injured in altercations attempting to break up the melee. 

I say, why not hide your identity with a watermelon? That was the cunning plan hatched by two thieves in Charlottesville, Virginia. The Smoking Gun notes the two lads decided wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads was the perfect disguise for stealing alcohol from a Virginia convenience store. Guy’s you’ve got it bass akwards, you put the booze in the watermelon, not your noggin you numbskulls.

In England all this lockdown was too much for one man in Devon. The Sun reports that when  the cops entered the man’s flat to bust him on drug charges, the unlucky lad scrambled to the roof of his apartment, completely nude, clutching his baggie of cannabis. The police were able to convince the man to later give himself up after they sealed off all of his escape routes from the roof. You know, naked in a fetal position rocking back and forth on your roof surrounded by police and cradling a bag of weed may not be the best way to go through life, son. 

Check out this episode!

Leave a Reply