Month: February 2019

John Ford: 00:00 The overnight underground news blip roundup. India has conducted an airstrike in the Pakistani controlled region of cashmere Indian foreign secretary Gokhale. Just what we need two nuclear armed countries getting into a spat, no telling what the fallout will be.

John Ford: 00:29 The Washington Post is reporting that Michael Cohen will testify that president Trump engaged in criminal conduct while in office. Cohen's public testimony in front of Congress begins today, Should be a wild week on Capitol Hill.

John Ford: 00:44 Speaking of the great orange one, Trump begins his talks with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un today in Vietnam. The White House has set low ambitions for the summit despite the fact that they're in love. Kim may be willing to give up his nukes, but no way is he giving up his smokes. The North Korean leader was recently seen taking a cigarette break at a train station in China, on his trip to the summit.

John Ford: 01:17 The ruskies are claiming that the US is getting ready to invade Venezuela. The Russian Security Council secretary said on Monday that the US has sent special forces to Puerto Rico and Colombia in preparation for a military invasion of the troubled South American country.

John Ford: 01:36 Hey Alexa, call the police. Your Google or Amazon smart device might soon come with the ability to rat you out to the cops. Touted as moral A.I. Scientists at the University of Bergen are touting research that would allow your smart device to report illegal activity to the police.... Citizen. The Boffins want the digital assistance to possess and ethical awareness that would simultaneously represent both the owner and, the authorities. The Daily Fail. Uh, Mail reports that scientists believe future smart devices would have internal discussions about illegal behavior or activity. And then way conflicting Info between laws and personal freedoms before deciding whether or not to inform the authorities. Wait a second. It's not like these devices will just figure all this off for themselves. Remember, a human programmer will code this thing to make these ethical decisions. You want an Orwellian police state? Cause this is how you get an Orwellian police date.

John Ford: 02:38 Here it is. The latest thing you're supposed to feel guilty about wiping your butt. A new study is pointing out that American's use more toilet paper than anyone else in the world. Wait a second. They say this like it's a bad thing according to the research our overuse of TP is contributing to wait for it. Global warming, America's obsession with toilet paper, according to research by the environmental group, stand.earth and the natural resources defense fund, say it plays a key role in climate change because cutting down trees is bad. Maybe we should revert back to corn cobs after all they are dishwasher safe.

Talking Head: 00:03 And update from yesterday's overnight underground news blip. Vietnam has deported the Kim Jong Un impersonator all this ahead of the Trump's summit with the real Korean leader next week, Howard X, the impersonator in question was given his walking papers after the impersonator held a fake summit with Trump impersonator, Russell White last week. Howard, the Kim Jong Un impersonator had this to say at the news conference before being deported.

Howard X: 00:34 The real reason was basically born with a face and looking like Jong. That's the real crime. I feel a little bit annoyed about what is to be expected of a one party state with no sense of humor.

Talking Head: 00:47 What about two party states with no sense of humor. President Trump said this over the weekend regarding his upcoming meeting with the real Kim.

Donald Trump: 00:54 We're going to have a, I think a very interesting two and a half days in Vietnam and we have a chance for the total denuclearization of an area of the world that was very dangerous. Now there's no testing, there's no rockets, there's no nuclear testing and and we get along well very well.

Talking Head: 01:15 AOC, just such an easy target. The congresswoman suggested over the weekend in between lots of likes, you knows and ums that because climate change is set to obliterate the world, young people should consider not having children,

AOC: 01:33 right? There's scientific consensus that the lives of children are going to be very difficult and it does lead, I think, young people to have a legitimate question. You know, is it okay to still have children?

Talking Head: 01:46 Maybe she could set an example. We could all be better off if she does not breed. AOC also took time off to slam the leader of her own party. AOC barked at Senator Dianne Feinstein's response to pressure from AOC supporters to get behind the socialists green new deal. Feinstein said, I've been doing this for 30 years. I know what I'm doing. AOC's retort.

AOC: 02:09 I don't think that working on an issue for 30 years alone is what qualifies is what makes someone qualified to solve an issue.

Talking Head: 02:20 Whatever. Bloomberg is reporting that the green new deal would cost. Tax payers in the neighborhood of give or take a few sheckles, $93 trillion. In other AOC news. We learned this weekend that the swamp freshmen now has her very own comic book giving new meaning to the phrase. We'll see you in the funny papers

Talking Head: 02:40 in news that should shock absolutely no one. President Trump is now the target of new allegations of sexual misconduct. A, former campaign staffer alleges that Trump laid a wet one on her without her consent. The Washington Post is reporting that the alleged smooch happened back in 2016 in Tampa. Anybody remember this?

Trump: 03:04 I moved on her like a bitch.......

Talking Head: 03:22 It's not the first time for the Trumper to be the target of sexual allegations. Back in 2017 the Guardian reported that 20 women had accused Trump of misconduct.

Speaker 5: 03:34 Yeah.

Talking Head: 03:34 Now let's state the obvious. San Francisco is an expensive city to live in. Go banking rates.com reports that if you earn $192,000 a year in the city by the bay, it's still not enough to be considered middle class San Franciscans. Look at it this way. It may be expensive to live in your beautiful city, but you get all the vagrant feces you could ever need on just about any city Block.

Talking Head: 04:03 A dead humpback whale in the middle of a jungle. It's more likely than you think. Biologists in Brazil are scratching their heads over the mystery of a humpback whale carcass and how it ended up 50 feet from shore in the Amazon jungle. The Brazilian scientists. Yes, we know that's a lot of scientists, found the whale after noticing a flock of vultures circling the carcass. The scientists in question are also puzzled about the potted Petunia found near by and a note that read, oh no, not again.