Hillary and Bloomberg kissin’ in a tree. Trump makes Daytona Fat and Furious. Coronavirus cures that don’t work. New Alabama bill forces male sterilization. University of Virginia finds a dictionary. A swearing dog collar for your pooch.
Barr says Trump should stop tweeting. Mini Mike pays for Memes and calls Trump a carnival clown. Biden get bitchy. US military prepares for a pandemic while coronavirus mutates. A giant asteroid is approaching the earth and Amsterdam may ban pot and hooker tourism.
This is the Overnight Underground, making news today: Barr says Trump should stop tweeting. Mini Mike pays for Memes and calls Trump a carnival clown. Biden get bitchy. US military prepares for a pandemic while coronavirus mutates. A giant asteroid is approaching the earth and Amsterdam may ban pot and hooker tourism.
Hey, somebody should make a meme out of this. According to the BBC, Presidential hopeful and all around uber rich guy Mike Bloomberg is paying influencers to make meme’s. In his hope to reach younger voters, mostly because he can’t reach much of anything without a step ladder, Bloomberg is paying some of the internet’s top-viral creators to generate content to try and make Bloomberg squarepants appeal to the groovy hipster douchebags. Bloomberg has already spent over three hundred million bucks in his White House bid. Seems like it would just be cheaper to move to Austin or Brooklyn if you want to get in front of that hipster douchebag demographic.
Democratic presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg is paying social media influencers to back him in the hope of reaching younger voters. His campaign has commissioned some of the internet’s top-viral creators to generate content about him that has reached tens of millions of followers.
Speaking of potential meme’s, there was tons o’ fun on the political Twittersphere Thursday. Let’s see, Trump called Bloomberg “Mini Mike, a five foot four inch mass of dead energy.” Bloomberg shot back and called Trump, “a carnival barking clown.” (byte)
Mini Mike is a 5’4″ mass of dead energy who does not want to be on the debate stage with these professional politicians. No boxes please. He hates Crazy Bernie and will, with enough money, possibly stop him. Bernie’s people will go nuts!
Meanwhile Biden, According to Politico, told supporters on a phone call following his losses in Iowa and New Hampster, ‘I’ll be damned if we’re gonna lose this nomination.’ Talk about memes, old man yells at cloud. We asked the Joe Biden Insult bot, what’s up with that? Joe said, “Enough with that, you booger-pickin’ trollywag.” One on-line voter chimed in on Biden’s bid for the Presidency, saying “My dog would be a better president, and he barks at his own farts.”
@realDonaldTrump – we know many of the same people in NY. Behind your back they laugh at you & call you a carnival barking clown. They know you inherited a fortune & squandered it with stupid deals and incompetence. I have the record & the resources to defeat you.
James Carville and Bernie have been going at it for over a week now. First with Carville saying a Sanders match-up against President Trump would be quote, “the end of days” for the Democratic Party and also referring to Sanders rabid supporters as quote, “a cult.” Sanders shot back on Anderson Cooper’s show on CNN (byte). You don’t expect it to stop there do you, of course not, Carville upped the slings and arrows responding to Bernie via a snapchat interview with former CNN reporter Peter Hamby. (clear throat) let me try my worst James Carville voice: “That’s exactly who the f— I am! I am a political hack! I am not an ideologue. I am not a purist. He thinks it’s a pejorative. I kinda like it! At least I’m not a communist.” @BidenInsultBot
Former Vice President Joe Biden – after his pair of devastating losses – tried to reassure supporters on an evening call Wednesday that “things haven’t changed” and that there’s been “no dropoff in our endorsers.” Arguing that the primary is “still wide open,” Biden said he was “confident we can win South Carolina.
You just can’t make this stuff up.
OK everybody, panic. The US military is actively preparing for a coronavirus pandemic, according to the Military Times. The U.S. Northern Command is reportedly executing plans, maybe executing is not the best word to use there, to prepare for a potential pandemic. It seems there was an executive order issued by the Joint Staff and approved by Defense Secretary Mark Esper to initiate said pandemic plans. The orders include preparations for the possibility of widespread outbreaks. But citizens, don’t poop your pants just yet, according to Navy Lt. Cmdr. Mike Hatfield, at no time quote, “does the planning indicate a greater likelihood of an event developing.” Sure, that’s exactly what you would expect them to say before the shit hits the fan.
U.S. Northern Command is executing plans to prepare for a potential pandemic of the novel coronavirus, now called COVID19, according to Navy and Marine Corps service-wide messages issued this week.
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The word on the Chinese street is that the coronavirus is mutating, and ladies, gentlemen and everything in between, that’s not a good thing. According to the Express, experts have detected “striking” mutations in the pathogen’s genetic code, that could turn the virus “into something even worse”. Researchers are saying that despite the possibility of new mutations of the virus, coronavirus mutations need to be further observed before any conclusions are drawn. Sure, that’s exactly what you would expect them to say before the shit hits the fan.
“Both point mutations and recombination promote host shift for coronaviruses.” The researchers pointed to frequent recombinations in the genetic material of SARSr-CoV – a progenitor to the deadly SARS-CoV outbreak of 2002 to 2003. Then, the epidemic was linked to a coronavirus strain carried by bats, which are also a potential source of the ongoing epidemic.
Some, shall we say, third teer news sites on the net are running a story quoting Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui, look I have no idea how to pronounce his name, with the billionaire claiming quote, ‘Over a million and a half people have caught coronavirus.” Wengui, says that the truth is that over fifty thousand people are dead from the virus, and that the Chinese government is covering up the extent of the plague. The official Chinese plague count is just under sixty five thousand inflected and thirteen hundred and eighty four dead. (byte)
Staff at funeral parlor wear protective suits to protect against the coronavirus in Wuhan Guo Wengui, a Chinese billionaire and one of China’s richest people, told the American Voice that the true numbers of those affected by the new coronavirus are much higher than what the Chinese government has been publishing.
Finally some good news, NASA says a giant asteroid is speeding towards earth, and if it hits, we won’t have to worry about politics or pandemic, cause we’ll all be screwed. Clipping along at around thirty four thousand miles per hour, NASA thinks the space rock will come close to earth on Sunday morning, but will miss us by a few million miles. Sure, that’s what you would expect them to say before the shit literally hits the fan. Currently the giant meteor 2020 campaign is in a close primary race with world wide pandemic leading the pack, pandemic is getting a slight boost in the early apocalyptic caucuses and with Vegas oddsmakers.
NASA has confirmed that an asteroid larger than the tallest man-made structure in the world is hurtling towards Earth at an incredible speed.
Amsterdam, it was fun while it lasted. The Daily Star reports that the city in Holland may lose some of the liberal policies that, well, made it worth visiting in the first place. Amsterdam is considering banning foreign tourists from buying cannabis and group tours of the red light district. The city’s mayor wants the bans to clamp down on tourism. I love it, clamp down on tourism. Most cities are trying to clamp down on drug use or prostitution, Amsterdam want’s to protect their drug use and prostitution from tourism. Wacky. Maybe next time, skip Amsterdam and head to Detroit for your legal weed. I’m sure they could use a tourist or two, to rob. And Vegas is loaded with hookers, at least that’s what I hear.
Amsterdam could ban foreign visitors from buying cannabis in its famous coffee shops in an effort to reduce tourism. The city is struggling to cope with the huge numbers of people that flock there to take advantage of its tolerant drug policy – more than 17 million a year for a city with just 1.1 million permanent residents.
Coronavirus death rates soar, interest rates fall. The Senate clips Trump’s war-wings. Celebrity political endorsements are worthless. Utah labels porn. Deadly dumpster diving and the healthiest city in the US.
This is the Overnight Underground. Here’s the top stories today on the Underground: Coronavirus death rates soar, interest rates fall. The Senate clips Trump’s war-wings. Celebrity political endorsements are worthless. Utah labels porn. Deadly dumpster diving and the healthiest city in the US.
Well here’s a news item that’s continuing to go viral. Either coronavirus will infect nearly two thirds of the world’s population or it’s going to peter out in a month or so. Take your pick. The New York Post consulted two experts, one who thinks we are all doomed and the other who thinks the whole thing will fizzle out by April. The way these experts agree on the outcomes of their science, are you sure they’re not climate scientists?
The coronavirus epidemic could grip about two-thirds of the world’s population if the deadly bug is not controlled, a top public health official said — as another expert predicted that cases in China could peak this month and fade away by April.
One piece of good news regarding coronavirus, CNBC reports that a mortgage refinance boom is continuing as coronavirus keeps interest rates low. If you’re going to refi, do it before the panic stops, cause it looks like once people stop dying from the virus, the interest rates will probably rise as the death toll drops. Unfortunately, the death toll skyrocketed in China in the last 24 hours, with more than 250 coronavirus deaths and over fifteen thousand new cases in one day.
For some crazy reason, it seems that no one is interested in going on cruises anymore. Gee you think it might be for the fact that you might just end up a prisoner in a cabin the size of your bathroom surrounded by people infected with the latest version of the plague? NPR is reporting that according to cruise ship industry professionals, bookings are down about forty percent in the industry. Maybe rebranding might help, something like… Pathogen of the Seas, Carnival Parasite, Bacterium Britannia, HMS MIcrobe or maybe Princess Plague.
The Diamond Princess cruise ship has become a symbol of a global health nightmare. To date, 175 cases of the coronavirus – the infectious disease the World Health Organization is now calling COVID-19 – have been confirmed aboard the ship.
The Senate passed the war powers act, by a bi-partisan vote of fifty one to forty five. The passing of the bill will limit President Donald Trump’s ability to use military action against Iran, or Lichtenstein for that matter, without approval from Congress. Eight Republicans including Mike Lee, Rand Paul and Susan Collins voted in favor of the resolution. But come on, who’s kidding who? It’s just another law for Trump to ignore.
Politics (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images) The U.S. Senate voted Wednesday to advance a War Powers resolution which would limit President Donald Trump’s ability to use military action against Iran without approval from Congress. The vote was bipartisan, 51-45, with eight Republicans voting with Democrats.
We now have proof that celebrity political endorsements are a complete waste. That’s the scoop from Morning Consult, who polled over two thousand honest to god ‘mericans, and just under ninety percent of them said that a celeb endorsement wouldn’t change their mind on a candidate. One interesting take away is that the younger you are, the more likely you are to be influenced by a celebrity endorsement. Proving that today’s digerati chowderhead ankle-biters are just as gullible as any other generation in the history of the world. But the celebrity influence is still as small as most of their IQ’s. Gen Z with only a 19 percent positive influence factor, Millenials are at sixteen percent, Gen X twelve percent and Boomers, well they really don’t give a shit, with only five percent saying a celeb endorsement would change their minds. So, listen up Hollywood. No one cares about your self inflated political opinions. All of you, right, left and in between, just go back to making movies and music and bite your lip the next time you’re inclined to inflict us with your vapid political pontifications. Because no one cares. Just be happy you have a career where you get paid more shekels than you really deserve for very little actual work.
A Jan. 30-Feb. 1 survey of 2,200 U.S. adults found that over half (56 percent) of adults said they would be less likely to be a fan of a celebrity if he or she hosted a fundraiser for a candidate they did not support, up 6 percentage points from a July 2019 poll.
Hey, two days in a row with stories out of Utah here on the Overnight Underground. The Utah House committee has voted in favor of a porn labeling bill. Will they be scratch and sniff labels or just plain old sticky labels, only time will tell. The bill will require labels for pornographic material and if a warning label isn’t used, unlabeled porn, which is a no no, will be liable for a twenty five hundred dollar fine. I wonder if they have to wear that special Mormon underwear in Utah porn?
You know how scuba divers shouldn’t dive alone, always dive with a dive buddy? Yea, it looks like that should be the case for dumpster diving too. The body of a 30-year-old woman who disappeared after a dumpster diving excursion has been found in the Greensboro, North Carolina landfill. According to the Burlington police department, Stephanie Cox had been trying to score dumpster treasure just after midnight and, well, didn’t make it out before the dumpster was emptied just before 2am. Dumpster diving, it seems, has been picking up in popularity lately with what’s called the “Freegan” movement. Freegan’s compost food, dumpster dive and save money on expenses by living off the land as much as possible. One thing is for sure, this Greensboro Freegan sure reduced her carbon footprint in a hurry.
Despite having streets littered with (sfx), San Francisco has been ranked as the healthiest city in the nation by WalletHub. Not the Department of Health, The Mayo Clinic or even your local podiatrist for god’s sake, WalletHub. Speaking of brown stuff (sfx), at the bottom of the list is Brownsville (sfx) Texas in 174th place, the worst place in America to hang your hat. Leaving San Fran, as a great place to hang your butt (sfx). This story was only included in today’s Overnight Underground so we could play the (sfx) sound effect. (sfx)
While the conditions of its street has drawn criticism, a new survey has found that San Francisco is actually the healthiest city in the United States when it comes to access to quality health care, parks to relax in, nutritional food to eat and the desire to stay fit.
A mostly correct and complete transcript, links to referenced sources and articles on today’s Overnight Underground can be found at John Ford dot net.
North Korea gets Coronavirus, Free Porn for Cruise Ship Virus Detainees, Bloomberg called Alleged Racist, Greta Thunberg Gets TV Show, Hookers for Jesus gets Government Grant and Weinstein set to close.
This is your overnight underground
According to that bastion of journalism, the Daily Beast, coronavirus is kicking best Korea’s ass. The article notes that the South Korean press is reporting that coronavirus is hitting North Korea hard, and that Kim Jung is so Ill he had to cancel a parade on Saturday, commemorating the anniversary of the founding of the country’s armed forces. No soldiers with giant hats parading with their massive missiles in downtown Pyongyang? It must be serious. The spread of the panic inducing disease to best Korea, according to the article, has caused North Korea to seal its northern border with China. Wait, when did it get unsealed? But take all of this with a grain of salt, I mean let’s face it, the Daily Beast is hardly a solid news source. Still, maybe just a tad more reliable than this year’s Iowa caucus.
SEOUL- North Korea’s not saying a word about deaths or illnesses from the coronavirus, but the disease reportedly has spread across the border from China and is taking a toll in a country with a dismal health care system and scant resources for fighting off the deadly bug.
One company is looking to lend a hand to the still quarantined coronavirus cruise ship passengers by giving them free porn. Fox Business News notes that CamSoda, the adult web site in question. is hoping to ease the boredom of the cruise ship isolationists, offering free porn webcam sessions. Giving new meaning to the phrase, “Going down with the ship.”
The Miami-based porn site that tried to offer complimentary webcams to the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers last month is attempting to ease boredom for passengers stuck aboard Princess Cruises’ two quarantined vessels with free webcam sessions.
How is the New Hampshire primary going? It depends on who you ask. But as of today, the biggest loser isn’t even in the running in New Hampshire. Tearing up Twitter today, god I wish someone would tear up Twitter, is a 2015 audio recording of Presidential hopeful and all around rich guy Mike Bloomberg defending ‘stop and frisk,’ and throwing minority kids against the wall. (byte) Needless to say, it’s causing a lot of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth on the self righteous twittersphere. The Trump supporters will use this as ammo against Bloomberg and the intersectional cancel culture mob will undoubtedly weaponize this as part of their hate campaigns as well. Unless Bloomberg pulls off a media miracle, it looks like the great white billionaire hope is probably done.
Bloomberg heard in 2015 audio clip defending ‘stop and frisk,’ throwing minority kids against wall: report
A newly-surfaced recording from a 2015 speech by Michael Bloomberg, in which the former three-term mayor of New York City gives a full-throated defense of the controversial policing procedure known as “stop and frisk,” is threatening to undermine the 2020 presidential candidate’s subsequent apologies for backing the policy and hurt his status with minority voters.
Serial scolder and climate cult commander Greta Thunberg is getting an extension to her fifteen minutes of blame. The BBC, in all of its infinite tv taxing wisdom, is giving the 17-year-old serial school skipper her own TV show. No release date has been announced, but hopefully it’s scheduled to air before the end of the world. Or not.
BBC Studios is making a TV show with 17-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg. The project was announced at the BBC Showcase trade show on Monday. No network, release date or number of episodes have yet been set. Here is the description for the series, which comes from the studio’s science unit.
Where is your tax money going? Hookers for Jesus of course! The Department of Justice is ducking for cover after its been revealed that the government agency gave somewhere in the neighborhood of half a million dollars to Hookers for Jesus in an anti-human trafficking grant. According to the report from Newsweek, Hookers for Jesus is a Christian organization founded by a former sex worker. Maybe it’s completely legit, but the name Hookers for Jesus somehow reminds me of Springtime for Hitler. Is that a good or bad thing?
The Department of Justice (DOJ) is under fire after a whistleblower complaint revealed that the department had given over $1 million in anti-human trafficking grants to two groups, Hookers for Jesus and the Lincoln Tubman Foundation, rather than highly recommended, established groups.
Sunday night’s Oscars ratings fell to an all time low, down about twenty percent from a year ago. But the real news for the glittering Hollywood elite comes out of New York, with former silver screen kingmaker or is it queenmaker, Harvey Weinstein’s rape trial set to wrap up early. The Guardian reports that the prosecution is expected to make closing arguments by the end of the week. Last week jurors got a peek at naked pictures of Weinstein so they could get a close up look at the Hollywood heavy’s allegedly odd genitalia. The photos, according to The Post, received assorted offbeat reactions from at least three of the jurors. Let’s face it, rancid, fried pork fat dipped in putrid lard have more sex appeal than Harvey Weinstein.
Manhattan jurors at Harvey Weinstein ‘s rape trial sat through some cringe-worthy testimony Tuesday before things really took a turn for the worse. Toward the end of the day, the panel was shown five nude photos of the portly, 67-year-old disgraced producer, presumably to help corroborate his alleged victims’ description of his odd genitalia.
Here’s the latest from the Overnight Underground,
Buttigieg is in the drivers seat in New Hampshire, wait can we say that on the radio, oh yea, we’re not on the radio, we can almost say any damn thing we want. Well, Pete won in Iowa, that part is official, so the presidential hopeful is the target of ire of all the other candidates as they tussle in New Hampshire. Joe Biden got caught in a moment of splender where he called a New Hampshire Voter ‘A LYING, DOG-FACED PONY SOLDIER’, whatever the hell that is. And the Hill says the chances of a brokered convention are inching closer where some dark horse candidate or, god forbid, we get stuck with Hillary again. Say it ain’t so.
Perhaps the pressure is getting to him. On Sunday, Joe Biden snapped at a voter in New Hampshire, calling her a “lying, dog-faced pony soldier.” The dust-up came after the voter asked Biden, “How do you explain the performance in Iowa and why should the voters believe that you can win a national election?”
Coronavirius is still making headlines, with thousands finally being released from a cruise ship off Hong Kong after being given the all clear following testing. The quarantined cruise ship off Japan had diagnosed dozens of new coronavirus cases, including more ‘mercans. So what’s it like to be quarantined on a cruise ship? One passenger told CNBC, (byte) Sounds like a fun vacation. China also just set the record for one day coronavirus deaths, inching toward the century mark for the first time, at 97. There are now over forty thousand confirmed cases.
Thousands of people stuck on a cruise ship in Hong Kong for four days have been allowed to disembark after tests for coronavirus came back negative. Some 3,600 passengers and crew on the World Dream ship were quarantined amid fears some staff could have contracted the virus on a previous voyage.
A California passenger aboard the Diamond Princess told CNBC on Monday it “can be a little bit depressing” when thinking about how much longer he and his wife must remain on the quarantined cruise ship: likely nine more days.
The Oscars, what can you say? A room full of rich white people, some of whom may or may not have some talent, being very sad and guilty for being white people. Just take Joaquin Phoenix for example. He won an Oscar for best something, and after watching his acceptance speech it appears that he was essentially playing himself in the film Joker. Can you really call “acting” like an unhinged idiot in front of a camera, when it appears to come naturally, acting. (byte) I think what he’s trying to say here is that you are evil for drinking milk. I’m sorry, but Hollywood is just out of their fucking minds. Phoenix definitely wins the award for the most self righteous hollywood twit ever. As opposed to taking on big milk, maybe she should have taken on big pharma. Cause it looked to me like he needs to be on some serious meds.
Gather hundreds of entertainment-industry types in a room and allow them speeches months before a presidential election, and discussion of politics is bound to ensue – as it did at Sunday night’s Academy Awards. The first political commentary of the evening came during Steve Martin and Chris Rock’s opening monologue, where Martin recalled the famous best picture category mishap in 2017.
Speaking of drugs, you can now get a degree in weed. Newsweek reports that Colorado State University-Pueblo will soon offer a sheepskin in cannabis. The course will be available for undergraduates looking to study the science needed to succeed in the cannabis industry, or who just want to get baked and good grades while attending college. What you got here is more future unpaid student debt for a useless degree, or as Bernie calls it, Monday.
Colorado State University-Pueblo is set to offer a “rigorous” degree in cannabis, winning state approval for the program on Friday. According to The Denver Post, the “Cannabis, Biology and Chemistry” course will be available for undergraduates wishing to study the science needed to succeed in the cannabis industry, starting this fall.
Coronavirus Report Your Temperature Citizen. Trump Proves He is a Class Act. Keith Richards Quits… Smoking. Valentine’s Suggestions Including Pickle Bouquets and Love Sausage. Twitter Users Need New Name and Iranian Space Force Uniforms.
Report your temperature citizen. All 11 million inhabitants of China’s Wuhan, the epicenter of the coronavirus outbreak, are being told by authorities to report their daily temperature. Kind of gives new meaning to an alien anal probe. Business Insider reports that readings can be submitted over the phone and via social media apps. If the person has a high temperature, an inspection team will be sent to their home to investigate further. I wonder if they bring along body bags?
Wuhan is ordering all 11 million residents to report their body temperature every day to combat the coronavirus
Since a fever is a primary symptom of the novel coronavirus tearing its way through Wuhan, China, the city has ordered its 11 million residents to report their body temperatures to health officials daily. The aim, according to a notice issued Thursday, is to “completely cut off transmission at the source.”
Meanwhile, an Australian news site reports that the coronavirus infected are being rounded up and sent to internment camps that resemble war time conditions. That sounds nice. News dot com dot au notes that authorities in Wuhan have been ordered to assemble all those infected. Total cases in China stands at over thirty thousand and the death toll, and this is just the ones they are actually telling us about, is at six hundred and thirty four. You really believe that, come on, not even Joey Tribbiani is that gullible. (byte)
Authorities in Wuhan have been ordered to immediately round up all coronavirus infected for mass quarantine camps, with a senior Chinese official describing the deadly outbreak as “wartime conditions”. Sun Chunlan, a vice premier in charge of the government response to the outbreak, gave the order to round up the infected and place them in isolation, quarantine or designated hospitals, The New York Times reports.
One day after his impeachment acquittal, President Donald Trump didn’t pull any punches regarding his time in the Congressional limelight. Trump said the entire impeachment drama was, well let’s hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. (byte) Trump also had a few choice words for Robert Muller and the FBI intelegencia, calling them (byte). Trump, what a class act.
Washington – President Trump is airing his grievances over impeachment, one day after the Senate acquitted him on charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. “I think he’s also going to talk about just how horribly he was treated and, you know, that maybe people should pay for that,” White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham said Thursday morning.
Holy shit, it must be a sign on the end times, but the Rolling Stones Keith Richard says he’s given up smoking. RIchards made the shocking confession to New York radio personality Jim Kerr. Damn, I guess we won’t get to see the iron lung tour after all.
The Rolling Stones are returning to the U.S. this spring in what Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are characterizing as a continuation of last year’s ‘No Filter’ tour. After breaking the tour news Thursday morning in an interview with Q104.3 New York’s Jim Kerr , Richards explained that he’s taken another step in his ongoing resolution to get healthier and to keep rocking.
What better way to show your sweetheart how much you care on Valentines Day, then giving her, her very own… love sausage. I know, it’s supposed to be a family show, but yea, the love sausage is a real thing. The Daily Mail reports that retailer M&S is bringing back its famed heart-shaped Valentine’s Day love sausage. Do I have to be the first one to point out that if your love sausage is heart shaped, you should probably get to a doctor… stat. (find byte)
Product will be in shops across the UK from Friday and cost £6 for 458g portion M&S have also launched the ‘Give a Little Love’ Sausage, a 240g twin pack for £5 Amused shoppers have made some very rude jokes about the cheekily named product on social media this morning M&S have delighted shoppers by bringing back its famed ‘love sausage’ for Valentine’s Day.
Maybe your sig-other is more of a sourpus, no worries, Boston-based pickle company Grillo’s PIckles is offering a pickle bouquet. Consisting of an empty 32-ounce pickle container, 15 wooden skewers, floral foam, ribbon, cellophane, a folded card for your loved one – and a coupon for a free jar of Grillo’s pickles. It’s only 25 bucks and you can order it online at the company’s web site. Let’s see… Roses are Red Violets are Blue, I got you a gherkin, I twerked one for you.
Forget roses or chocolate. Nothing shows a loved one how much you really care like a bouquet of pickles. Grillo’s Pickles, a Boston-based pickle company offering the unique bouquet, knows that any pickle lover would love nothing more than to get a Valentine’s Day gift filled with their favorite snack.
Twitter wants to call its users something other than… users. According to Engadget, the company is seeking to stop calling the people who use its platform “users.” Of course the obvious answer is to call them twits, or twats. Twidiots is good. Twunts works for me. Suckers and stooges seems to fit. Oh heck, let’s just call a spade a spade, we all know they’re just self absorbed attention whores.
It’s part of an initiative to make Twitter a happier, cuddlier place to be, with the usual boast that it’s shrunk the number of ” unhealthy” tweets on the service. That includes a 27 percent decline in “bystander reports,” on Tweets that violate the company’s code of conduct.
Iran’s space program is a real horror show, no really, it might as well be halloween for Iranian astronauts. According to the War Zone, Iran’s Minister of Information and Communications Technology Tweeted, or is it twatted, a picture of their countries new spacesuit for Iranian astronauts. It didn’t take long for sleuths to figure out it was actually a cheap Halloween costume available for a mere 20 bucks online. Who knew the Ayatollah had his very own Amazon account.
The propensity of the Iranian regime to make often laughably hyperbolic claims about their technological achievements is nothing new, but some of the most absurd claims seem to routinely revolve around the country’s ostensible ambitions to become a power in space.
It’s official, Trump… Not Guilty. Of being an idiot? (byte) Of being a womanizer. (byte) A narcissist (byte) Of occasionally lying his pants off (byte) Being bankrupt (byte) According to a divided and corrupt congress, he’s not guilty of two articles of impeachment, abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. Thank god that’s over with, can congress now get back to what it does best, nothing.
subscribe to The NPR Politics Podcast podcast Senators voted on Wednesday afternoon to acquit President Trump on two articles of impeachment – abuse of power and obstruction of Congress – after a historically unusual but typically contentious trial. Forty-eight senators supported a verdict of guilty on Article I; 52 voted not guilty.
It’s Coronavirus deja vu over and over again. The Daily Star is reporting that the virus has spread to the point that the deadly disease could be with us indefinitely. It could be like whack a mole for years, popping up its ugly head and being whacked by confused doctors for years to come. In fact, computer geeks running A-I predictions say Coronavirus could infect 2.5 billion and kill 53 Million. 4 out of 5 doctors agree, that’s probably not true. The operative word here is “probably.”
The coronavirus outbreak is still spreading and there are close to 25,000 confirmed cases worldwide, with at least 500 people expected to have died. The outbreak originated in Wuhan, China, last month. But already, medical experts are starting to look at what happens next. There are two likely outcomes from the current state of the outbreak.
AI Predicts Coronavirus Could Infect 2.5B And Kill 53M. Doctors Say That’s Not Credible, And Here’s Why
An AI-powered simulation run by a technology executive says that Coronavirus could infect as many as 2.5 billion people within 45 days and kill as many as 52.9 million of them. Fortunately, however, conditions of infection and detection are changing, which in turn changes incredibly important factors that the AI isn’t aware of.
In other coronavirus news, Two more airplanes of evacuated Americans from Wuhan, China landed at Travis Air Force Base for two weeks of quarantine. Add one of those quarantined coronavirus cruise liners off the coast of Japan is running out of supplies, with passengers calling it “a floating prison.” The British cruise ship Diamond Princess continues on lockdown with passengers facing another thirteen days on the floating shit barge. Better find the English Breakfast along with the beans and toast before the Brits resort to cannibalism.
David Abel and 2,655 other passengers have been ordered to stay in their cabins aboard Diamond Princess Ten people were taken off the Diamond Princess by Japan’s coast guard after testing positive for coronavirus They are two Australians, one American, three from Hong Kong, one from Japan and a Filipino
One piece of good news regarding Coronavirus, The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation has announced that it is donating $100 million to improve detection, isolation and coronavirus treatment efforts. If only he would just apologize for infecting computers world-wide with WIndows ME.
The foundation will provide up to $100 million to improve detection, isolation and treatment efforts; protect at-risk populations in Africa and South Asia; and accelerate the development of vaccines, drugs and diagnostics. SEATTLE, February 5, 2020 – The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation today announced that it will immediately commit up to $100 million for the global response to the 2019 novel coronavirus (2019-nCoV).
The Royal Navy could now start including hash with their rum rations. According to the Daily Mail, the HMS Defender seized 119 bags of hash, totaling twenty five hundred kilograms while on patrol in the Indian Ocean. Defender is getting pretty damn good at busting drugs on the high-seas (byte) two months ago it intercepted three point three million pounds worth of meth. The Defenders crew discovered the 118 bags of hash hidden on a dhow. The ships commander said the 117 bags of hash was quite a haul, and further stated that with the big bust, the 116 bags of hashish will never reach the drug dealers it was intended for. There is no word on where the 115 bags of hash will be destroyed and no truth to the rumors that the Defender will be renamed as the HMS Munchies.
Hey One Hundred and Three is one hell of a run. Hollywood icon Kirk Douglas and the only person who could truly say, “I am Spartacus” is dead. 95 acting credits, 75 movies and 65 years married to the same woman, God Speed Sparticus. That is until the vultures dig up some dirt from 50 years ago and judge you by some imaginary standards the cancel culture will have inflicted on us all. After all, rumor has it he was sitting on evidence that would impeach President Trump over Pussy Grabbing and Kobe Bryant was on his way to pick it up from him.
Kirk Douglas, one of the first box office stars of the silver screen, has died. He was 103. The acting legend, who had been in good health since suffering a stroke in 1996, is survived by his wife of 65 years Anne Buydens, and his three sons: Michael, Joel, and Eric.
The State of the Dis-Union and Rush, Pelosi Rips Trump a New One, The Road to the SuperBowl is the Road to Hell, Hot Dogs and Bacon Death Again, I Nazi that Coming from a Mile Away, Plague Ships are Back!
President Donald Trump delivered the state of the union, said everything is hunky dorky, had Melina give Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom amid applause and boos, all the while holding back the puke in the back of her throat, Pelosi tore up the transcript of Trump’s speech. Rush was visibly choked up, and I don’t think it was due to his recently diagnosed lung cancer. Rush joins the other Presidential Medal of Freedom winners which includes Rosa Parks, Mother Therisa, William F Buckley and Andy Grifith.
Melania Trump Awards Rush Limbaugh Presidential Medal Of Freedom At Trump State Of The Union Address
Watch: First Lady Melania Trump gave conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom on President Donald Trump’s behalf during his annual State of the Union address.
Today, the Senate is expected to vote on the Trump impeachment, and let the little bugger get away scott free. Meanwhile, Maine Republican Susan Collins stiltedly mumbled that the crime doesn’t fit and she would acquit, (byte) Collins also stated that she would feel better about life, the universe and everything if President Trump would apologize for his alleged wrongdoings. The President said (Byte). Ever get the impression that all this political theatre, on both sides of the isle is all just an intricate and infuriating kubiki mind fuck? Yea, me too. The real question is just what are the outrage folks going to find to be pissed at on Twitter now?
Wow, that was one hell of a State of the Union Address. President Trump seized the center with a powerful, patriotic and utterly centrist speech. And then House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reinforced his message with her oh-so-symbolic ripping up of the text.
The Superbowl halftime show may be damning us all to hell. I know right, I’ve seen it and it’s just slightly more entertaining than sticking needles in your eyes. But the total damnation in question is the promulgation of activist Dave Daubenmire who spent a large part of his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast lambaisting the National Football League for broadcasting unsolicited “crotch shots” into his home during the Super Bowl halftime show, thereby, he pontificates, is jeopardizing his eternal salvation. Geeze, some folks would consider crotch shots part of a healthy diet of earthly salvation. (byte) Dave does seem to be serious, he was trolling for a lawyer to take on his case against Pepsi, the NFL, and his local cable company (otherwise known as the unholy broadcast trinity) on his behalf.
No more hot dogs and bacon for you citizens. According to new research, two hot dogs or four pieces of bacon increase your risk of heart attack and death. Wait a second, I can see the risk of heart attack being raised, but risk of death? I’m pretty sure the death rate is still one per person, so yea, risk of death is 100 percent no matter how you slice your delicious smoked processed meats . Anyway, MarketWatch reports that the findings that were published in the JAMA Internal Medicine journal this week, suggests that if you eat two servings of red meat and/or processed meat each week, you are screwed. Either that or wait for a new study to come out next week that contradicts this one.
By Sorry, steak lovers, but you can stick a fork in that study that said you can continue eating red meat. A new analysis of almost 30,000 people published in the JAMA Internal Medicine journal this week suggests that eating two servings of red meat and processed meat each week is in fact “significantly associated” with death and heart disease.
Today’s person who just doesn’t get it, comes from Esquire Magazine writer Nick Schager. Schager, lambaists the Academy Awards for nominating JoJo Rabbit for Best Picture in the upcoming awards. Schager calls it the, Softening of Nazism and quote this “Oscar nominee is a lie, and a detestable one at that, especially in this day and age of rising white nationalism at home and abroad.” Dude chill, it’s called satire, and the best way to deal with detestable ideologies. I would suggest a quick viewing of Chaplin’s “The Great DIctator” and Mel Brooks, “The Producers.” And let’s face it, Nazi’s are funny, ever take a good look at their uniforms? Esquire Magazine used to be written and read by real men, when did it become the woke girly-man magazine?
This article is part of Esquire’s Oscars series in which we consider if each Best Picture nominee at 2020 Academy Awards should or should not take home the night’s highest honor. Read the rest of the Oscars series here.
Hey, plague ships are a thing now. Not one but two cruise ships are being quarantined due to fears over passengers with coronavirus. CNN is reporting that somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty three hundred passengers are being held on two different cruise ships. Passengers aboard the Princess cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan are being screened for the deadly coronavirus and tests are pending on hundreds of cruise ship vacationers who had symptoms or contact with a man diagnosed with the virus after leaving the ship in Hong Kong. I say, it’s nothing a good torpedo won’t fix.
About 3,700 passengers and workers on a Princess cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan are under quarantine for up to two weeks because of the deadly coronavirus. Tests were pending on 273 people aboard the ship who had symptoms or had contact with a man who was diagnosed with the virus after leaving the ship in Hong Kong.
The much awaited Iowa caucuses are over, kinda’ and the winner is… no one knows. Are the problems just simple reporting issues, or a total meltdown of the entire system? No one is completely sure. But we do know that there are no actual results in sight. The candidates are pretty much all claiming victory and have already packed their bags for Vermont. Did someone say fiasco? I’m sure someone did somewhere. You gotta’ love it, Rolling Stone is calling it Dempacolypse. But I prefer the Iowa Cockup. If you predicted before the Iowa Caucus, that well, someone was going to win, boy I’ll bet you feel like a real idiot now. There’s some tin foil hat level shit goin’ on here folks.
One candidate claimed victory before a single vote was officially reported. Another released his own internal and incomplete election results. A surrogate for a third candidate on the integrity of the vote. The state party tried to assure the public that the problems were “not a hack or an intrusion.”
In other news about these attention whores we call politicians, “moderate” Democrat candidate Mike Bloomberg is proposing 5 trillion dollars in new taxes on business and the wealthy. Seems like a sure path to the White House to me. Election years are so much fun!
New York Times, Bloomberg Proposes $5 Trillion in Taxes on the Rich and Corporations: Mike Bloomberg, the billionaire presidential hopeful, is including more new taxes in his plan than his moderate rival Joe Biden but less than Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren. Former Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg of New York…
What do the coronavirus and flatulence have in common? They are both under the eye of big brother in China. According to The Global Times, temperature sensors set up in airports and train stations are also monitoring farts. Are Chinese authorities worried about coronavirus being spread by farting or just interested in making funny infrared fart tapes? Are social credits lost when caught farting by big brother? Film at 11.
Can’t help farting? Well, better try harder, because infrared temperature sensors recently installed in airports and train stations to monitor temperatures of passengers amid #coronavirus outbreak can screen them all https://t.co/70ncE1HqYr
Facebook is officially 16-years-old today. Of course back then, it was called ‘the facebook’ and only available to college students. Now with only two years left until facebook can head out on its own and attend college away from the Zuck, maybe we should demand Mark take away the keys and tell Facebook to go to it’s room. Or just let it go wild with its friends and influence another election. Oh god, in two more years it can vote. Let that sink in.
Pizza hut is creating a Kentucky Fried Popcorn Chicken pizza. The Pie comes complete with mozzarella cheese, KFC gravy and sweet corn. But before you head down to The Hut and tell the nice cashier to shut up and take your money, according to Delish, the pie is only available in England. WTF? Pizza and KFC bump uglies and I can only get it in the UK? For Trump’s sake, I’ll bet they even call it the ‘Merica meal.
It seems like 2020 is already the year of interesting, and sometimes questionable, pizza toppings, what with kiwi pizza taking over the internet. The latest in new takes on pizza toppings is something I can definitely get behind and is a mash-up of all the best foods from KFC and Pizza Hut.