Overnight Underground News Mar 8 2019



Manafort and Manning both in the clink. Jobs hit a brick wall. Venezuela goes dark and blames it on US. Best Korea is blowing stuff up again. Knife crime in UK blamed on porn and video games. Vegas goes all in for ranch dressing. Town elects goat as mayor


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Mostly Accurate Transcript:

 

Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort has been sentenced to nearly four years in club Fed for tax and bank fraud. Manafort has already served 9 months in jail and will get credit for his time served. At this rate, Roger Stone will probably get community service and never forget, Hillary is still free. President Trump had this to say about Manafort on Friday (Byte-Trump)

 

Also heading to the clink is Chelsea Manning. The former army intelligence analyst is being jailed for refusing to testify to a grand jury regarding an investigation into WikiLeaks. The Judge in the case stated Manning will remain behind bars until she testifies or the grand jury is concluded. (Byte-Trump)

 

Job creation hit a brick wall in February but wages are still on the uptick. Payrolls were up just 20 thousand and the unemployment rate fell to three point eight percent. It’s the worst month for job creation since 2017.

 

Massive blackouts have hit Venezuela. 22 of the countries 23 states have seen crippling power outages sending thousands into the streets from subways stumbling through some of Caracas’ most violent streets, looking for busses or just walking home. Of course, Venezuela’s pinko commie government has blamed the US as being responsible for an “electrical war” against the South American country. Democrats allegedly have been having closed door meetings considering air-dropping Bernie Sanders into Venezuela to help fix the mess.

 

North Korea might be blowing stuff up again. The Mirror reports that Best Korea had a 2.1 tremor that was reportedly caused by “artificial” activity. Speculation is that the quake might have been caused by an explosion in a mine. This comes following news earlier in the week that there was increased activity at a factory that produces missiles in the DPRK. No reason to panic though, maybe fat boy just dropped his sammich. President Trump said this on Friday regarding the North Korean Dictator. (Bytep-Trump) Former President Jimmy Carter is offering to travel to North Korea for denuclearization talks. That could work, but only if Dennis Rodman goes along for the ride.

 

The UK’s Shadow Home Secretary is blaming the recent spate of knife crime in the UK on porn and video games. Dianne Abbot says that hardcore porn and violent video games are causing the rise in violent crime in the UK and that the deadly duo is to blame for the violent crime. Hey, Abbot, you know what would reduce knife crime? Guns! Get with the program would you cousins.

 

So, you say you like ranch dressing? Hidden Valley is celebrating with a “bring your own bottle” event in Vegas on Sunday. Claiming that they will fill whatever container you bring with ranch dressing. Bathtubs, tanker trucks, oil tankers… you name it. This all takes place at the New York, New York Hotel and Casino for one hour on Sunday. Fill a kiddie pool and start the first ranch dressing wrestling venue on the strip. The possibilities are almost endless.

 

A Vermont town has elected a goat as honorary mayor. A Nubian goat named Lincoln is due to become honorary pet mayor of the small town of Fair Haven. Lincoln the goat beat out other contenders by 13 votes, including a dog named sammie who only garnered 10 votes. The town mayor said , “It was a great way to introduce the elementary school kids to local government.” Maybe the kids could have the new honorary mayor over for a BBQ.

 

 

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