Overnight Underground News Feb 29 2019



The fire is gone between Trump and Kim. BiBi & Trudeau under the gun. Pakistan & India take a chill pill. 20 bucks to cross a bridge. Standoff ended with a slice. AOC eats lunch next to a hamburger. The taxman cometh, for you dog


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Mostly Accurate Transcript

John Ford

 

The lovefest between President Trump and. Kim Jong-un appears to have run its course. Trump walked away from the North Korean summit in Vietnam with no deal in place. According to the White House Kim wanted all the sanctions lifted before he would put his bombs away.

Donald Trump

 

Sometimes you have to walk and this is just one of those times.

John Ford

 

The talks ended just hours after Michael Cohen gave his bombshell testimony on Capitol Hill. It’s estimated that over 69 million Americans lost productivity yesterday from watching the testimony, costing businesses an estimated 1 point nine billion dollars in lost productivity, according to outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas. What.a way to stick it to the man! It’s cool though, under our new socialist overlords in Washington, we can always adopt the old Soviet slogan of "They pretend to pay me, I pretend to work.”

John Ford

 

President Trump isn’t the only politician under the legal microscope today. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is to be charged with bribery, fraud and breach of trust by Israel’s Attorney General. Bibi says it’s just a witch hunt. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is also under the gun. Trudeau is engulfed in his own scandal and is facing pressure to resign. Trudeau denies any wrongdoing, but he’s still sorry.

John Ford

 

The row between India and Pakistan is showing signs of cooling off. Islamabad is offering an olive branch to its Indian neighbors by releasing the Indian pilot shot down during recent air incursions into Pakistan. There were exchanges of gunfire overnight along the disputed Kashmir border, although it does look like cooler heads might prevail. Still, India is building 14 thousand bunkers along its border with Pakistan. I’m not sure that 14 thousand bunkers will be enough to house all those tech callers from India trying to convince you your computer is compromised to get you to install their alleged anti-virus software.

John Ford

 

Time for the roundup.

John Ford

 

Talking about expensive, it will soon cost you almost 20 bucks to leave Brooklyn for Staten Island. The Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge cash toll is increasing to 19 dollars. I wonder what Snake Pliskin would do.

John Ford

 

Florida man is back in the news. Authorities in Pensacola ended an hours long standoff with with a man who had barricaded himself in a room claiming to have a gun. Evan Charles McLemore was arrested Tuesday and charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking, according to the NY Post. How did they get him to surrender? Authorities promised Evan a slice of pizza if he gave himself up. It’s not a hostage crisis, it’s DiGiorno’s. ​​ 

John Ford

 

​​ Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is back in the news. This time she’s being targeted for having lunch with her chief of staff. So what’s the big deal? He was eating a hamburger. The right wing press is lampooning AOC and the burger-gate because of her global warming stance and insistence that we get rid of those methane dispensers known as cows once and for all.

John Ford

 

 

John Ford

 

You think the tax man is brutal in the US, in Germany they’re just merciless. A homeowner in Ahlen, Germany, behind to the tax man, had it’s family dog confiscated to pay for overdue taxes. The pooch in question, a pug, was seized due to its value as a thoroughbred dog. The dog was sold on e bay for around 850. Under German law, if you can not afford a pug, one will be appointed to you.

 

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